I think I died a long time ago.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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