oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
