This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
