and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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