I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
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