so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
