why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
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