So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Randomize
