how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
