i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I stole a fireplace last night.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
