I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
