what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
