dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
