Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Randomize
