windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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