I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize