I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
