I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
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