We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Randomize
