how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Randomize
