i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
