I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
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