She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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