I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
