i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
