Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
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