I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
