So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
