Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
