she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
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