don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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