if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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