Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
