i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
