If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I was not drunk enough for that final.
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