I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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