i don't like sucking hair
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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