Ambien. No doubt about it.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
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