my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
you have to choose: penises or morals?
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Randomize
