I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
