just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
