So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
