Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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