I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
