You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
