Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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