im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Randomize
