Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
