He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
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