Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
foreskin is a definite game changer
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
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