***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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