genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
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