hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize
