Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
