Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
