I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
