I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
