Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
