Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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