I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
