mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
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