I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Randomize
