Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I just cut my nipple shaving
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
